waiting...

I stand in his strong arms every week,
as we practice the waltz for my friend's debut.
he's a good dancer when he knows what he is doing.
He has a distinguishable scent,
not a strong one or a bad one,
but it clings to me by the time we're through.
during our "pause" I can feel his heart racing,
as I lean against his chest.
whenever I look up at him,
he looks back and smiles.
when I look across at him,
he looks so concentrated that I laugh,
then he looks up at me and starts to grin.

He makes me fall harder and harder for him every day.

Ten weeks. after that, I don't know where he and I will stand.

In seven weeks, he will know what I feel for him.

the thought is frightening, but the best things in life are the things that scare you.

I don't even know if I can wait all that time. I want him to know, but I don't want to make things awkward for him when we dance for the debut.

I'm just afraid that when I tell him,
it will be too late.

he's perfect

no, I don't have him up high on this pedestal. I know he has many flaws. I've seen his many flaws. he and I are very different people. I don't agree with some of the things he believes in. and he doesn't agree with some of the things I believe in. I see his many flaws and they don't bother me. I still find him so perfect. despite his flaws, he's still so perfect. he's naive, stubborn, confusing, nerdy, and sometimes, antisocial. it doesn't stop me. he's still everything I want. he's still all I want. I wish I could say it wasn't true.

maybe I'm this absolutely insane stalker-ish girl, with a silly major crush.
I don't know.

The sound of his voice makes me smile.
Hearing his name makes me blush.
Talking to him can make my day.
Hanging out with him makes me laugh.
Standing in his arms makes me feel safe.

basically, he makes me happier. usually.
that's all I need to know.

I wish he realized what he did for me...
I wish I felt secure enough to tell him...

12 more weeks

over a year...

that's how long I've liked this guy.
I told him once, last June to be exact.

(about a week after I told him)
me: when do you leave?
him: friday
me: *****....
him: *****
me: i no longer have the nerve to talk to you in person
him: oh
him: i understand where u are coming from, but feel free to talk to me whenever
me: could you tell me what you think?
him: i dont know why anyone would like me, honestly
me: hahaha
me: well, if i could tell you i would
him: u know my whole opinion about relationships though, dont u?
me: yeah, i do
me: i have one question
him: ok
me: is this something you'd rather pretend never happened?
him: no but thats a really good question
him: i just want to try for our friendship to be normal and like it always has been
me: and it will be

and it has been... I think...
but I still want him. I don't know what I can do to move on. I'm frustrated.
last june, he didn't want a high school relationship.
he's different now. he isn't afraid of relationships anymore.
but now, he doesn't know how I feel about him.
and I'm afraid to tell him...

so what do i do now?
we have 12 weeks until we graduate high school...
what can I do now?